I'm learning, I'm adapting and I'm surviving. I won't say it's perfect but I think I'm going somewhere with this. My thoughts are all over the place recently, I'm starting to wonder what's up.

I've been told that I can be cynical, sarcastic and mean. Here's why:

*phone vibrates*
What??
Hello..
What do you want?
I just want to say goodnight..
Oh..

Those who know me should be able to tell which one is me. Oh and I'm also not into sappy. But every once in a while, admittedly, I do enjoy it.

Only the beginning

So, the first week of classes has begun and ended. I quite like my schedule this semester, to be honest. I have plenty of free time for homework, which I will not begin to elaborate on because it's piling up already as we speak.

Other than that, it's been quite a week. I think I'm enjoying my classes although I have classes at freaking 7.30a.m. every single day and my teacher wear shorts in the freezing weather. Also, I'm pretty sure my English teacher is a bit cuckoo. Nevertheless, I think I'm enjoying it so far. Hopefully, this optimism will last because the battle has only just begun. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Hope everyone's 2012 is going well!

I'm not myself and I'm upset. I cannot explain, but I just am. No one gets me, but it's okay. I'll be fine, in time. I know I will.

Of love and life

The lesson I learned from The Five People You Meet in Heaven,

Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold on to it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn't. (Albom, 2003)

This goes out to everyone who lost a loved one.

Why hello there, 2012

I know it's not 2012 here yet in the USA but I'm going to blog anyway because it's 2012 everywhere else in the world! This 2012, I will make the best out of life because it could possibly be the end of the world for us, if the Mayans are correct. So here are my 2012 resolutions!

1. Hit the Rec at least once a week.
2. 4.0 for this semester and hopefully, the following semester as well.
3. Go home to Malaysia and eat real Asian food.
4. Going to places over the summer holidays.
5. Learn to cook a few dishes.
6. Be a better person.

And the list goes on. Have a happy 2012!

Every hour has come to this

It's that time of the year again where I get all sentimental reflecting back on the year that is coming to an end. To assist this probably long post I'm all wrapped up in my blanket, sipping hot tea and playing some good slow songs on Itunes. This is going to take a while - trying to recall back most of the significant events that occurred in the past 12 months. 

I remember being disappointed with my SAM results. Sure, I could still make it to college and it really isn't that bad compared to others. But what really sucked was the fact that I did not meet my own expectations. And for a period of time, that got me procrastinating more than I should be on my college applications. All I could think of was getting a job, taking a break from school. Hence, my first job as a teaching assistant in Kumon. 

For the first 7 months of this year, my life revolved around Kumon. I lived and breathed Kumon. What was supposed to be parttime turned out to be a fulltime job which got me working at 3 Kumon centers. Why the dedication, you ask. Honestly, I have no idea myself. The pay isn't great, the colleagues sometimes scared the shit out of me and the bosses can be crazy. So it's the students. Yes, the children are the ones who kept me going back. Their innocence makes it easy to talk to as their response are more genuine compared to adults. Sure they don't have the best ideas but at least I know that they are being sincere, no hidden intentions. Admittedly, I have met many brilliant students who are able to grasp complicated concepts of math in minutes. The other students, on the other hand, don't give up easily until they understood the particular subject. I have to say, it was a learning experience for me to watch them learn and grow. For instance, there was this one boy who hated Kumon. He threw tantrums and copied answers, refusing to learn. When it was time for me to leave, he was a changed boy. He was determined to move on to the next level of math that he did not mind staying an extra hour until he get his correction right. And the last thing he asked me, "Are you ever coming back?" I said maybe. I knew I was never going back to teaching in Kumon but a little part of me wanted to. 

Truth to be told, the fact that the students from Kumon are smart and hardworking at the same time intimidated me, e.g. the brilliant girl who I still keep in touch with every once in a while. She's ten and she can factorize numbers faster than I can. Also she's interested in science so much more than I have ever been in my life, I kid you not. Without a doubt, she and all the other students motivated me to go back to school. 

As June drew nearer, I was getting nervous. Thoughts about not getting a good offer from university really freaked me out. My problem was that I really wanted to have an education elsewhere but at the same time I have very limited funds. My parents wasted no time as well because they made a deal with me - if I do not receive an offer good enough by mid of June, I was to go to school back at home. Honestly, I thought that was it. No replies seemed to be coming in and I was ready to let go of my dreams of going abroad. However, some time in early June, I received an email from Truman accepting me. Plus a scholarship that solves my financial issue. But, my parents were not very supportive of me going abroad initially. I was literally about to die, trying to convince them to let me go. I was on the verge of giving up. Eventually, my parents gave in and I got everything ready to leave the country. It was a long and tiring process which I would never want to repeat, but was worth it, for it got me to where I am right now.

Right now, I am in Kirksville, Missouri, which is literally halfway across the globe from home. It's almost 5 months now that I have been away from home and the experiences have been crazy. Though I have to say I am glad that I'm finally back to studying, knowing that I have stable priorities and goals to achieve. In spite of all the fun I had, I managed to do alright my first semester here in Truman. Hopefully, that would motivate me to do better for my upcoming semester. I think I had a little bit too much of fun the first semester. But no regrets.

Never in my life have I met the craziest bunch of people all at the same time. You know how we all have that weird friend every once in a while? Try having them all together at once and you will get shitloads of fun. I love how we all get along at the same time we are all so different. We say the weirdest things without cracking up. I think it'll be fun living together next year. It's not going to be easy with 5 girls in a house but we'll be alright. If it gets too crazy, at least I know where I can always escape to. He, who tolerates my craziness and makes good soup. All in all, I am thankful to be here. I met so many wonderful additions to my life, after already having many loved ones. 

You know how they say that you don't know what you love most until you lose it? I do. Coming here made me realized that I love my family to death. It didn't hit me until my last day in Malaysia. I still remember the details vividly - everyone crying at the airport and me crying like I never cried before in my life. It was the most awful feeling ever, not having my family and friends around me because they're too far away. Truth to be told, I still cry sometimes thinking about that painful departure. No worries, I'm fine now. I still miss my family and friends very much. In fact, I can't wait to get back next year. It's crazy that I am saying this when I have more than 4 months before going back and especially since the next semester has not started yet. I already made a mental list of things to do when I get back and I will be writing it out soon.

Comparing the person I am now to the person I was earlier this year, I would never expect myself to be here right now. I am more optimistic and I have many wonderful people in my life, whether near or far. I'm learning to be more grateful and appreciative toward the people around me every day. This year, I grew up more than the other years in my life. I got a job and had to manage myself to and at work. I had two trips with two of my group of friends back at home, which taught me a lot about travelling. And I got to leave home, which got me to do many things on my own. As much as I miss my parents doing certain things for me, I'm enjoying my newfound (although not so new now) independence and freedom. Whenever my mom tells me that I have to do things on my own and that's the consequence of wanting to leave home (with the intention of sarcasm), I do not regret a bit. Honestly, doing laundry and cooking can be fun. There's nothing like the smell of clean clothes and the satisfying taste of your own cooked food. (My noodles I made just now was good, just saying)

And that's my 2011. It's been pretty awesome. 

I hope everyone had a good 2011 as well. Happy New Year to all reading this!

Winter break in Kirksville this year!

The End of Fall Semester

One calls me his little brother. The other one calls me a panda. 

Home is wherever you are

I gave myself a haircut recently. Just my bangs. Contemplating if I should get a proper haircut or wait till next May. Hmm, tough. Though it would be pretty cool to see how much more my hair will grow and how weird I'll look.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well! I'm doing alright. Once finals end I'll be awesome. 

The Goldfish Song

Check out my current desktop wallpaper! This was taken at the Field Museum in Chicago. Went to Chicago for a couple of days during Thanksgiving break and it was so much fun. So much to do and so much to see. I'd love to go back there again.

I had a pretty good break doing the usual - exploring, hanging out and not doing homework. Yeap, those stuff. Had a really, really good break. I only wish it was longer. But it's okay because winter break is coming up! No confirmed plans yet but I'm looking forward to it. All I have to do now is go through 3 weeks of non-stop studying and finals. It's not that bad.. right? I can do this.

Sorry I've been so disconnected from everyone back at home. It's not that I don't want to keep in touch but it's work that's keeping me away. I really want to talk to everyone, promise. Over winter break, hopefully. I really miss everyone. A lot.

Bucket List

Just a little something for myself. (And also because I have to)

1. Bungee jumping in New Zealand (yes, it has to be NZ)
2. Get a bartender job
3. Backpacking for a month
4. Attend a wine tasting party
5. Compile all of my favorite pictures and make a CD
6. Make chicken rice (the roasted kind!)
7.